OLM Marriage You are getting married! Our Lady of Mercy Parish Guidelines for Weddings at OLM "What God has joined, let no one divide!" First, of course, you must fall in love with the one person with whom you wish to spend the rest of your life! But of course you knew that already. If you are hoping to have a Catholic wedding, it is important to contact your parish early: there are several steps to help you prepare for this important commitment, and to make sure that there are no impediments to get in the way of your marriage. The Roman Catholic Church requires that all couples contact their parish at least six months before their anticipated wedding date. Except for very extraordinary reasons, the couple should get married in the parish church where the bride or groom currently worships. If you live here in Westlake, are registered, contributing members of OLM, and celebrate Sunday Mass with us each week, we will be happy to prepare you for your wedding. We cannot schedule a date until you have had a chance to meet with one of our priests and have your first interview with him. If either of you has been married before, no date can be set until we discover if an annulment is possible. If one of you is not Catholic, there must be agreement between you on the religious training of your children—this question is even part of your vows. During your meetings with the priest and our wedding coordinator, the following items will be dealt with as you move toward your happy day.

Your wedding check list:

1. During your first appointment with the priest, he gets to know you a little and will then complete Form A with each of you individually. This is a questionnaire that asks you about your freedom to marry (“Have you ever been married before?”), your religious status (“Are you now a practicing Roman Catholic?”), your understanding of the vows you will exchange (“Do you intend to be married until death? Are you open to having children and raising them as Catholics?”), and so forth.

2. If the priest discovers that there are no impediments in the way of your wedding (e.g., one of you was married previously), he can then speak with you about a date for your celebration. Here at OLM we normally schedule weddings Saturdays at noon -- this allows the Missionary Sisters of the Holy Cross to decorate the church in the morning before your wedding, and it also gives you some time for photographs after the liturgy, before Confessions begin in church at 2:20 p.m.

   However, we recently added another option for our parishioners, scheduling weddings at 4:00pm on Sundays as well.

3. Each of you will need to ask a family member or close friend to make an appointment with any priest and answer similar questions as a witness. This is called Form B.

4. You will also need to request a recent copy of your baptismal certificate, as part of the proof that you are (a) baptized and (b) free to marry. For Catholics, the church of baptism is informed when you are confirmed, married, ordained, etc., which is why a recent copy is necessary: it will contain notations of any of these sacraments you have received.

5. One of our staff contacts you after your first meeting with the priest and asks you to come in for the FOCCUS, a questionnaire aimed at helping you get to know each other even better. It touches on areas that every married couple will have to face: money, in-laws, sex, religion, work, communication, problem-solving, and raising children. Once the FOCCUS results come back, the priest invites you back to discuss them in person.

6. A staff member will then call you to set up your Marriage Preparation Classes. These are offered right here in the parish and are led by couples who have received special training through the Archdiocese of San Francisco. You and other engaged couples will have the chance to talk about issues such as those you discussed in the FOCCUS instrument.

7. Early on in the process, the priest will also give you information about planning your ceremony — if both partners are practicing Catholics, they normally celebrate a Nuptial Mass. Otherwise, they may celebrate the Wedding Liturgy by itself. All Catholic weddings, unlike civil ceremonies, must follow Church guidelines regarding music, readings, etc. If some of the items you wish are not permitted in a Church liturgy, you may wish to include them as part of your reception (e.g., favorite songs).

8. Several months before your wedding, you should speak with our music director, Ms. Teresita Santisteban, after one of her Sunday Masses, so that she can schedule both an organist and a cantor for your ceremony. Like many parishes, we only use our own music ministers for all weddings here at OLM. If you have a friend or relative who wants to do music for your special day, they can of course do so at your reception. Teresita will arrange to meet with you after one of the noon Masses to go over to the Parish Center and discuss music options together.

9. At least one month before your wedding, you need to send a check for $1,000.00 to the rectory, made out to OLM Parish. This one thousand dollars covers the cost of the music ministers, both altar servers, our wedding coordinator, church donation, set up, clean up and priest.

10. A few weeks before your wedding, you will meet with the priest to finalize details about your ceremony: who walks in when, which Bible readings you have selected, etc. Your marriage license should be given to the priest one week before your wedding.

As the day draws near…

Please ask your wedding party to arrive at least 30 minutes early for both the rehearsal and the wedding—due to other parish commitments we absolutely must start on time, and you will not want to have your ceremony rushed or cut short. Also, please ask your guests not to litter our Church property with flower petals, rice, confetti or other items. This creates a real hazard (people slipping on the rice and breaking a hip!) and it makes a mess of the church for those who will be coming in after you. Flower girls may carry flower baskets in the procession, but they may not throw petals on the carpeting. We know from long experience that you have many details to take care of, and many rules and regulations to contend with, but we also hope that in the midst of all this you will grow closer to each other and to the Lord. Our prayer for you is peace in the midst of all the work you have to do, joy and laughter as you move toward your big day, and God’s blessing on the family you begin through this sacred ceremony. The core of all your hard work is, of course, you, your love for one another, your faith in God, and the presence of Jesus Christ in your marriage and in your lives—forever. God bless you! Return to Parish Education

Important Note:

The parish where the wedding takes place will be responsible for taking care of the marriage preparation process which includes:

1. Preliminary sessions with the priest/deacon/or marriage minister;
2. Assessment of their readiness for marriage and their levels of faith;
3. Participation in the parish marriage preparation program or Engaged Encounter;
4. Completion of the necessary documents.

If a parish other than that of the bride or groom makes their church available for the wedding, they thereby accept responsibility for the ENTIRE marriage preparation. The Cathedral of St. Mary's is considered an exception to this policy